By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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