I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
