he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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