im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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