I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
