we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
