your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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