i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
