Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm both gender and math confused
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
