I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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