I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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