Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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