What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
