I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
