I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
