Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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