Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
