You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
