The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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