oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
