...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
