I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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