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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
