well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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