turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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