I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
