Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
