I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
