nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
