And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
