The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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