dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
