Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
