So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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