I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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