I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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