Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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