Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
