And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
