wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
