? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
