goodnight i made you a song goodbye
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
