Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Michael Bay diarrhea
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
