I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
