You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize