I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
