doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
