Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
