I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
