I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
