I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
