Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
