He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
