No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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