people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
