So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
