We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
