It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
