That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
