So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
