He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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