I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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