I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
