We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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