I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
