she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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