he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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