He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
