Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize