PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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