They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
