My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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