I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
