If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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