I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
