My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
