Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
