How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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