shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
