i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
now i know why i became what i already was.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
