I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize