Moan for me like Helen Keller
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
