my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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