Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
