we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
