Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
