Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
