I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize