The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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