i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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