we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
