So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
