if only i could text you this smell
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
