If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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