She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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