we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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