He had one of those small greek statue penises
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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