Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
