worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He passed out mid-signature
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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