I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
