And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
