This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
