shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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