I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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