We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
