woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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