Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you had me at cake vodka
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
